In coaching, there is the premise we ask the question about your big goal and the answer will enlighten you (and the coach) as to what steps to take to reach it. Pretty straightforward.
Yet, I have realised over the years, just how difficult it can be for some people to answer the question ‘what do you want?’ Which, therefore, must mean, coaching is next to impossible for such people. For if they don’t know what they want then how can we set a goal, right?
Well, actually no.
Let us uncover why it can be hard to answer the question ‘what do you want?’
- You have never given it a thought! That is a fairly obvious answer but… have you thought about what you would like to be different in your life? Have you asked yourself the question ‘what would I really like for me?’
- You don’t give yourself permission. Wanting and desire are tangled up with having to ask for something. If you have always had to ask if it is ok if you can have something then it can be a struggle to suddenly be presented with the question what do you want without having to ask another individual if that is ok.
- You have been ridiculed, told not to be so fanciful, not get such grand ideas or some such words. Maybe in the past you could have easily asked the question what do you want and someone somewhere said don’t be so ridiculous and shut down your dreams of being a …. (Fill in the blank).
- You just have too much on and feel exhausted so the thought of bringing in change feels overwhelming. For ultimately if we act on what we want it requires an effort and perhaps that just feels too much right now.
- You have forgotten that you are allowed desires. Perhaps you have been so busy looking after everyone else, giving to their needs, wants and desires, making sure they are ok that you got lost along the way.
- You may think your dream/desire/goal isn’t big enough. There can be an element of you judging and comparing yourself to what you think you should be having and want you really want somehow doesn’t feel exciting/adventurous/sexy/wondrous/powerful/…(insert your word) enough.
Perhaps you identify with the above or have your own reason as to why you may struggle with the question ‘what do I want?’
This struggle though doesn’t mean you cannot connect to your desire, it only means we need to validate your reason, accept it and work through it to find what dream is just an ember inside of you waiting to be fanned into a burning desire.
Once we have found what you want then we can connect it to your reason for wanting it. This becomes a powerful motivator to start bringing the dream to life. We can find the steps, and start with the first smallest one you need to empower you to create a new way of doing life and of being a healthier, happier you.
If you feel you need some help to consider what you really want, you’re welcome to try this beautiful Meditation to Gain Clarity and Insight.
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